On a day of no consequence my desk phone rang at work. It was my grandparent’s number so I picked it up. The following conversation took place, in Portuguese, and is forever seared in my mind.
**Note: Please use a Latvian or even a Russian accent when reading the part of my Grandpa. If you don't know what that is...a mildly Dracula-esque accent will do.
Grandpa: Trrrracy, I want to talk to you about verrrry delicate subject.
Tracy: O.k. what’s up?
Grandpa: Why do you not have a baby?
(Well alright then...straight to the point...)
Tracy: My girl guts don’t work Grandpa.
Grandpa: I have been thinking about this and I have a solution. We know people. They sent their daughter to Mexico and she came back pregnant.
(Surprise...pause...digest...Did he really just say "Mexico"???)
Tracy: O.k. Grandpa. They did, huh? Good for her.
Grandpa: I have the doc-torrr’s name. You can take the bus down into Tijuana. Then on the corner of Calle Numero 7, you know, street #7, there is a doctor there who is very successful with getting women pregnant.
(my Tracy thought..."I bet he is...corner of Calle 7 indeed...")
Tracy: He is, is he?
(My eyebrows are so far up into my hairline at this point you can’t even see them.)
Grandpa: Yes! Very successful. You should make a trrrip.
Tracy: O.k. Grandpa. Take a bus into Tijuana, go to the corner of Street #7, …I can get pregnant. O.k. Thanks for thinking of me.
Grandpa: I love you!
Tracy: Yeah…I love you too Grandpa.
*****
To this day, several years later, this remains one of the more interesting and entertaining grandparent stories...of which there are several.
I always thought it was interesting that the old man couldn't spot me a ride himself down into Mexico and that he thought I should hop the Greyhound Express and head into a foreign city of ill repute to try and get pregnant alone...well not really alone...the doctor at the corner of Street #7 was apparently well equipped to hook a sister up.
Anyway...good times...you can't make this stuff up. ;)
Somebody Else's Picture...credit to them, whomever they may be.
How I feel after throwing a party...
Thanks for the visit!! :)
Monday, March 28, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Panic in the Bog
I didn't realize this was a dream until I woke up, and then I was really glad.
Last night...
*****
I was on a country road that passed through a forest and then a great grassy wetland. I was at the crossroad and there was a grand old estate across the way, hidden in a copse of tall, dark trees. There was a dark, wooden fence that ran its length, separating it from the road. The sky was darkening and the sky looked heavy with rain. I had a large work tractor of sorts, that I needed to move, but I didn’t know how I would make the turn, but I waited, and then I pushed.
A dark and swarthy man came up to my side, and said “Here, let me help you. You make the turn, I will push the machine.” And so we turned together. Me on my feet, and he pushed the tractor alone. We made it on to the next road, but the tractor, instead of being in the far lane by the fence, crossed over both lanes and ended up on the side of the road in the dirt. It was hard packed and didn’t seem like it would be a problem.
The man tried to move it and I went to help. Suddenly, the ground gave way beneath us and we foundered in dirt that sank beneath our feet, and turned to sand and water and mud. I found myself grasping for land, and treading sucking water. The machine was gone, and the man fought but I lost sight of him as he drifted away into the reeds and grasses.
Without warning, we had unknowingly walked into a bog and I found myself trying to swim in mud and sand and plants, I grasped at reeds and spit the duckweed from my mouth. My limbs were like lead and the wind was blowing me so fiercely that I couldn't fight against it. I swam as hard as I could and the wind whipped the long grass in my face, and was so strong that it was pushing me through the water towards a darkened, sucking pool. I feared the pool and swam all the harder, choking on water and dirt, rain began to pelt and zip my face, my eyes, my head. I pulled harder, kicking and reaching for the shore.
I felt panicked and it felt real and I wasn't able to wake up...so then I really felt panicked.
WTH??
Last night...
*****
I was on a country road that passed through a forest and then a great grassy wetland. I was at the crossroad and there was a grand old estate across the way, hidden in a copse of tall, dark trees. There was a dark, wooden fence that ran its length, separating it from the road. The sky was darkening and the sky looked heavy with rain. I had a large work tractor of sorts, that I needed to move, but I didn’t know how I would make the turn, but I waited, and then I pushed.
A dark and swarthy man came up to my side, and said “Here, let me help you. You make the turn, I will push the machine.” And so we turned together. Me on my feet, and he pushed the tractor alone. We made it on to the next road, but the tractor, instead of being in the far lane by the fence, crossed over both lanes and ended up on the side of the road in the dirt. It was hard packed and didn’t seem like it would be a problem.
The man tried to move it and I went to help. Suddenly, the ground gave way beneath us and we foundered in dirt that sank beneath our feet, and turned to sand and water and mud. I found myself grasping for land, and treading sucking water. The machine was gone, and the man fought but I lost sight of him as he drifted away into the reeds and grasses.
Without warning, we had unknowingly walked into a bog and I found myself trying to swim in mud and sand and plants, I grasped at reeds and spit the duckweed from my mouth. My limbs were like lead and the wind was blowing me so fiercely that I couldn't fight against it. I swam as hard as I could and the wind whipped the long grass in my face, and was so strong that it was pushing me through the water towards a darkened, sucking pool. I feared the pool and swam all the harder, choking on water and dirt, rain began to pelt and zip my face, my eyes, my head. I pulled harder, kicking and reaching for the shore.
I felt panicked and it felt real and I wasn't able to wake up...so then I really felt panicked.
WTH??
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