I wrote this this morning while reflecting on the dregs of
these past few days, and weeks, and months. I just keep thinking about all of
this human drama, and these nonsensical issues that are just stupid and
unnecessary and are caused by a need to subjugate others to ones will, and to
always have the last say. It is about power, bullying and unrighteous dominion.
**
We’ve been having some pretty significant conflict with some of our work partners. Severe enough that we’ve had a handful of escalated meetings and some strong verbiage used. Several months back I purposefully stated and made it known that I knew that if these issues were not sorted out, discussed and repaired, that several months down the road we would be revisiting them. Sadly, I am right.
The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior and people rarely surprise you with true change. And so here we are…still.
The past two weeks have stretched and pulled me and I have learned a lot.
It has been interesting to see people who have complete denial down pat. It's not just something they “did once” or because “we don't agree on something perspective”-- it has been done so often that it is an actual trait and something that is not going to change.
I've also witnessed adult bullying at some of its ugliest and most manipulative, as well as matured-adult temper tantrums.
My conclusion: these particular people, along with scores of others, have been permitted these bad behaviors by many of those around them that turned a blind eye to dealing with the issue and the behavior because it was easier to work around them.
This would include parents and other family members, teachers through the years, friends, bosses and coworkers.
It is difficult to stand up against that kind of history. It is difficult to stand alone in the face of that type of behavior. It is difficult to be the one that is constant and trying to hold a standard in place. It is difficult to be the one that says "Enough!"
It is difficult because people fear the bully and they try to tell you that it's not really what it seems like. They try to sway you and tell you to get along and go along. But if you don't say “No,” if you don't stand for right, who will? Do you let them continue to destroy people and careers because it's "easier" to go along and get along? Do you say wrong is right just to get business done?
Information has come my way that indicates that these individuals that I have dealt with have always been this way. That they have always been "difficult," "known bullies," and "defiant." That they have never been team players and have always subjugated people around them to such misery that they got what they wanted so that people could get some peace. Why the acceptance? Why the tolerance?
We’ve been having some pretty significant conflict with some of our work partners. Severe enough that we’ve had a handful of escalated meetings and some strong verbiage used. Several months back I purposefully stated and made it known that I knew that if these issues were not sorted out, discussed and repaired, that several months down the road we would be revisiting them. Sadly, I am right.
The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior and people rarely surprise you with true change. And so here we are…still.
The past two weeks have stretched and pulled me and I have learned a lot.
It has been interesting to see people who have complete denial down pat. It's not just something they “did once” or because “we don't agree on something perspective”-- it has been done so often that it is an actual trait and something that is not going to change.
I've also witnessed adult bullying at some of its ugliest and most manipulative, as well as matured-adult temper tantrums.
My conclusion: these particular people, along with scores of others, have been permitted these bad behaviors by many of those around them that turned a blind eye to dealing with the issue and the behavior because it was easier to work around them.
This would include parents and other family members, teachers through the years, friends, bosses and coworkers.
It is difficult to stand up against that kind of history. It is difficult to stand alone in the face of that type of behavior. It is difficult to be the one that is constant and trying to hold a standard in place. It is difficult to be the one that says "Enough!"
It is difficult because people fear the bully and they try to tell you that it's not really what it seems like. They try to sway you and tell you to get along and go along. But if you don't say “No,” if you don't stand for right, who will? Do you let them continue to destroy people and careers because it's "easier" to go along and get along? Do you say wrong is right just to get business done?
Information has come my way that indicates that these individuals that I have dealt with have always been this way. That they have always been "difficult," "known bullies," and "defiant." That they have never been team players and have always subjugated people around them to such misery that they got what they wanted so that people could get some peace. Why the acceptance? Why the tolerance?
Essentially what this has done is just create chaos and obstructions for the rest of us down the road. I have been tossed in to some pretty volatile situations, hot confrontations, lies, deceptions, whining, conniving, cheating, breaches of ethics and been privy to conflicts of interest that everyone else seems to be turning a blind eye to. I have done my due diligence in discussing these issues and trying to decide how best to handle the varied situations I have been involved in.
I have tried to do right. I have tried to be a defender and a voice. I have tried to be as fair as possible. I have tried to provide good counsel. I have tried to move forward. You try the things that are supposed to work and sometimes they just don't.
The ugly fact is that no matter what goodness and honesty you practice, the wheels of the bus can still end up running across your back. But that's ok. When you're under the bus you're learning. You may bleed a little and your eyes may sting with some hot tears, but you're learning...and that's not a bad thing for the next go-round that is inevitably coming your way.
I have tried to do right. I have tried to be a defender and a voice. I have tried to be as fair as possible. I have tried to provide good counsel. I have tried to move forward. You try the things that are supposed to work and sometimes they just don't.
The ugly fact is that no matter what goodness and honesty you practice, the wheels of the bus can still end up running across your back. But that's ok. When you're under the bus you're learning. You may bleed a little and your eyes may sting with some hot tears, but you're learning...and that's not a bad thing for the next go-round that is inevitably coming your way.
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