Driving in the Desert at Night: October 2nd, 2008

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and thought it merited saving.
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Last night we had a family get together, and that was a lot of fun...but not my point. My husband went straight from work to the party so we drove separately, so after the party, I was alone in my car driving home.

As a sub-note: I've had a strain of the melancholic lately, not the kind that is depressing and horrible, but the kind that is achey and bittersweet. It feels good to indulge it every now and again, and it is intermingled with joy and memory and is a pleasant process. If you've never enjoyed your own melancholy, you may not understand what I'm saying...if you have...you probably do. (It's probably all this talk of reunions and this Gwen Stefani "Early Winter" song that has been doing it!!)

But back to my story...Fall is here, especially in the evenings. I had the windows down, the wind was blowing and it was a fantastic night. The drive home skirts the city, so it was much darker than being in the city proper. This part of the valley (that I was driving through) is desert and not overly developed. I was relatively alone on the road, stereo up, driving 80 down the freeway and I felt alive and free.

The Great Salt Lake was to the West of me, so it was pitch black with nothing to see but the deep black of night. To the East I could see the mountains in the distance, the city up against them, the lights glowing and bouncing back down from the storm clouds up above and it was something else. The Capitol Building, the LDS Temple, the business district, the university all lit up against the mountains, the canyons deep black crevices behind the lights--it was beautiful. Sometimes in life you have surreal moments--and this is one of the pleasant ones--my eyes were seeing something that some people would only see in a photograph and never get to experience in person. It was the vibrancy of the moment that impacted me.

My thoughts drifted around but mostly focused on how glad I am that I live here in Utah--how glad I am that I gave it a fair chance to be something fantastic. It is beautiful, rich in culture and history, clean and pleasant--there are a lot of good people here and I'm happy. I came out here to go to school, to get away from home, to grow up, to become independent, to become my own woman. I never expected to stay here--it wasn't in my vision of a place to land and stay, more of a stepping stone.

I've been here for the past 19 years, unexpectedly...LOL. : ) I've made friends, fallen in love, had heartbreaks, gotten married, worked, played, had good people come in and out of my life, some drifting, some staying longer than others...I have lived a lot of good life. It is definitely not perfect and I do have my regrets and my sorrows just like anyone...but what joy at times! I've worked hard, tried to look forward and not always backwards second guessing and wishing for things that cannot be changed, I've tried to be joyful and positive in the face of the unexpected and in the end I've done all right. It is a good life that I have experienced so far and I am blessed.
Have you ever felt so alive and vibrant that you felt like your chest might explode?---well that was last night on the way home for me.

Anyway--just some miscellaneous thoughts I didn't want to lose and wanted to share.