March 23, 2011
6:04 p.m.
There are always people that are happy to tear you down at a moment’s notice, why would you join in by talking against yourself in your own mind, telling yourself all about your failings and they whys and wheretofores of why you can’t or shouldn’t do something? Why would you join in the cacophony of noise and voices that are against you and your success?
I just read an article that my brother Andy posted about a 400 lb. sumo wrestler named Kelly Gneiting who participated in the L.A. Marathon. There was a video attached that showed this man jogging, walking, breathing and living, trying to make it to the end of a goal. By far he is not the fastest. You could see throughout the video that there were people passing him by as he kept plodding along. Frankly, I thought “Good for you! You go! You finish! What an accomplishment!”
And I thought these things because I’m for success—I’m for joy—I’m for trying and I’m for doing. I also experience no threat by the accomplishment of others, in fact, when I saw that he was doing this, I thought “Girl—you need to really get off your butt and get back into walking and fitness. You can do it.” And I didn’t think it because I also thought “Oh he’s so fat and gross and he did it.” It was because I thought “He’s a big guy, and he did something I think is impossible for me. Maybe I can start running again. Yeah. I can do that.” And from his experience I took only a little hope for myself in an area of my life where I feel stymied and frustrated.
Reading the commentaries following the article was sadly full of human shallowness and hateful words. Yes, of course there were those that congratulated him and wished him well, but some of the vitriolic rebuttals were angering. There were those from individuals who very obviously are runners or fitness buffs, but apparently very insecure and unhappy ones at that. Because Mr. Gneiting took so long to finish, because he may have had to pause, because he walked many said it didn’t count, that he didn’t really run a marathon, that he just did a long walk. To me it becomes semantics. Why do they feel the need to take away that he participated—that he got out and did—that he lived—that he tried—and that he succeeded? O.k. He didn’t “run” it, but he participated in the event and he made it to the end. How does that take away from anyone?
There was another comment from an individual who implicated that they themselves were a marathon runner and they expressed disgust at this individual along with any other walkers and that they should make a lane for them so they could “Get the eff out of the way for the real runners.” O.k. angry much? Go to the front of the starting line ahead of the walkers or slower individuals, and if you’re so incredibly fast, you will never come across them because you will always be in front of them, right?
Some of the other comments were obviously directed at his weight, his obesity, his lacking skills in the control area, because if he had it under control he wouldn’t be overweight, and other typical rude comments. My thoughts around this are similar though—how is someone else’s life your business?
There has been a lot of chatter lately, especially with Michelle Obama wanting to take on obesity in the United States, around weight, food, and controlling other people’s choices.
Let me make a few things clear right now: no, being overweight is not healthy; yes, people are obviously eating too much and exercising and expending too little energy; kids are fat—mostly because they drink too much pop, eat too much junk and fast food and play too many video games and don’t spend enough time outdoors…which frankly can be directly traced back to poor parenting; yes, being overweight is not ideal or desirable—but in no way does any of this change or limit your rights to agency and to making choices for yourself. It is not the governments job to monitor what you put down your gullet. It is not the governments job to tell you what to do and how and how much. These are all points of self-governance, and just because some people choose to self-govern poorly, doesn’t give anyone else the right to tell them what to do. Sorry—it just doesn’t.
So when it comes to people who are overweight, what is our responsibility? As a collective there isn’t one. It isn’t your responsibility. You can encourage and support, that’s what you can do and that’s about it. When someone is successful, instead of pulling them down by saying “5 lbs. down, you’ve only got 100 more to go.” You can choose to say “5 lbs. That is great!!! Good job! “ and that’s the end of it. Fat people know what they look like in the mirror, they don’t need you to point it out. If someone isn’t successful you can say “I know it’s hard, and frustrating, but keep up the good work—keep trying. I believe in you—I know you can do it.” And when you say those things, you can mean it. You can mean it because you care enough about that person as a human being that their success and their failure doesn’t take anything away from you, but you giving, that can be that one tiny thing that helps them keep going. A little selflessness and joy at the success of your fellow humans will never hurt you.
Next time you see someone that you think you are better than—a chunky jogger, or a fat mom with a stroller, or someone that is crippled and trying to do something that is easy for you—as you formulate the smirk on your face, or raise your eyebrows in disgust, as your mind and your mouth start to form nasty words of criticism, or of mockery, take a moment to pause and think to yourself, why you, in all of your perfection and fabulousness, feel the need to take away from someone else’s trying, from their accomplishment that in no way whatsoever impacts you.
Why are YOU the way you are?
