Somebody Else's to them, whomever they may be.

Somebody Else's to them, whomever they may be.
How I feel after throwing a party...

Thanks for the visit!! :)

Friday, December 12, 2008

"Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!"

We love movies...and sometimes we love Cult Classics and/or "B" movies best...LOL...

Now, before any arguments get going on definition...some of these movies were big hits at the time that they came out...but are often unappreciated classics now...some of them are so bad, they are good...some of them are quintessentially quotable and people who take themselves too seriously are unable to properly appreciate the value they add to life...some are simply a blast to the past, and it is possible that if you did not live during that past, that you may not properly appreciate why the movie is as valued as it get my drift...anyway...feel free to add your own favorites, I know I can't possibly capture them all.

If you decide to try any of them out...Grab some popcorn...a coke...and maybe something else to do on the side...especially if it's Tarzan, This Island Earth or The Mole People...or maybe some Chinese on a rainy Saturday afternoon and some Godzilla...but if your attitude is could have a good time!...


Here are some favorites through the years...not quoting all...just a few...for flavor.
  • Flash Gordon (1980, I think)..."Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!"
  • Zorro the Gay Blade (1981) w/ George Hamilton as himself...twice..."Where do you think you are going Sr. Beaver?"
  • Best in Show (2000) "We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about."
  • Hackers (1995) Mrs. Murphy: What did you learn in school today? Dade Murphy: Revenge.
  • Lake Placid (1999) "I'm a civilian, not a trout - you have no authority over me whatsoever."
  • Eight Legged Freaks (2002) "So you're trying to tell me that a giant spider ate Gladys? "
  • Tremors (1990) "Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do, once a plan fails!"
  • Office Space (1999)...seriously...there are too many's one...
  • Joanna: You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair? Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself. Joanna: Yeah. You know what, yeah, I do. I do want to express myself, okay. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it.
  • Mars Attacks (1996) President Dale: I want the people to know that they still have 2 out of 3 branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad.
  • Fierce Creatures (1997) w/ Kevin Klein, The Monty Python Posse, Jaime Lee Curtis Vince: I don't like you. You're weird and unattractive.
  • Anything MST 3K...though sometimes...even they cannot salvage a heinously, horrible film, that just goes to that point....beyond...
  • any of its forms, its years, remakes or countries of origin.
  • Starship Troopers
  • Pitch Black
  • Creature From the Black Lagoon
  • Ed Wood (w/ Johnny Depp, Bill Murray)
  • The Wild Ones
  • Invasion of the Body Snatchers
  • The Princess Bride
  • The Day the Earth Stood Still
  • Monty Python & The Holy Grail
  • Highlander
  • Tarzan
  • This Island Earth
  • The Mole People
  • So I Married an Axe Murderer
  • Serenity
  • The Fifth Element
  • Ghostbusters
  • Overboard
  • Big Business
  • Groundhog Day
  • Jaws
  • What About Bob?
  • Animal House
  • Airplane
  • Galaxy Quest
  • The Three Amigos
  • Ginger Snaps
  • Coming to America
  • Better Off Dead
  • The Blues Brothers
  • Anaconda
  • Anaconda Blood Orchid

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...Who's The Fairest of Them All?

I found this on a friend's blog and thought it was clever...and it fit my sense of humor about politics in so many ways...I hope you get a kick out of it and don't take your political point of view so seriously that you can't appreciate the photo...

Monday, December 1, 2008

“The depth of our despair measures what capability and height of claim we have to hope.” Thomas Carlyle

Thoughts on November 23rd...a Sunday.

So--I've been browsing old photos today, wasn't really my plan, but it ended up happening. Not just any recent photos but the really old stuff and it has left me thoughtful and contemplative on all the changes that take place in a family through the years...time little families forming...loved ones passing on. Just "Life" in everything that it truly is. To use a common analogy--the tapestry of life that we all weave, all the threads, all the mistakes, all the perfections, all the experiences and perceptions knitting, knotting and weaving together to make an exceptionally interesting "whole".

My dad passed away almost 9 years ago, very unexpectedly. It is the single-most great tragedy of my life. I've never experienced such a torrential and drowning grief before or since. I've had grief, and other minor tragedies and sadnesses, but nothing can hold a candle to his passing. In my belief system and value set, I believe in the hereafter, I believe that we are with our loved ones again some day, and there was some deep comfort that came from that--but the day-to-day sadness and resounding sense of he-is-dead-for-the-rest-of-my-life loss was almost debilitating and numbing. Numbing in the sense that the world was a little dimmer--not so bright--and actually a lot more wild--than it was when he was here.

Not having a father to buffer me from the big, bad world...a port from the storm, a comfort that there is someone who will somehow make all things right again, somehow--someone that has protected you from birth...suddenly I felt very small in a very big place. I felt more vulnerable, more alone, more on my own than I ever had before then...and I considered myself a fairly independent person. I was 29, but I still needed him...still do.

During this whole "thing", I'm not even sure what name to give the time period, being the oldest child of 6, I felt I needed to be strong for my family. To be a pillar that others could lean on. My mother needed me and was so grief-stricken as to being inconsolable. Her tether was having her children around her, but her heart was broken--shattered and all she could do was look at the pieces overwhelmed by how to put it together again. My siblings, oh my siblings...even thinking of their broken hearts and woebegone faces moves me and makes my heart ache to this day. My youngest brother was barely 16, the next boy 18, my sister was 22, the next brother 25 and the next 26.

I felt such a sense that if I didn't hold it together, that we would all explode like a crystal chalice on a marble floor--shards and pieces scattering to all corners--irreparable. So I held it together and tried to comfort as best I could, trying to love and coax everyone back to a happier place. In serving my family in this fashion, I gradually mended myself as well. By losing myself in service to them, by reflecting and contemplating on my own grief and sense of loss, while remaining grounded to the day-to-day responsibilities and tasks at hand, I somehow made it through this catapulting event and came out on the other side, what I hope is, a more mature individual.

Healing the heart, the spirit and the mind, takes time. Often, time does not even remotely move at the pace we want it to. It's too fast or too slow. But, if you allow it to, time does heal in its own way and in its own "time". Just like with a physical wound, you heal, but there is still a scar, and if the wound is deep enough, you ache when the weather changes and can feel it in your bones when storms are coming.

And so my family has repaired. We've had some hard times, a lot of huge learnings, painful growth spells, but in the end, we've come away much closer, much more understanding of each other, and wiser for the wear. By no means, is the family perfect...please...not even close. We still have our faults, our disagreements, our pettiness’ and misunderstandings that occur--just like with any family, and our small distances between people that need to continue to be worked on and mended, but for the most part, we have moved closer together and have all healed in our own ways.

Regarding my father, specifically, he had his faults just like any of us do, but he was a good man, and a good father and I think that most of the time, he tried really hard to do what he thought was right, just like the rest of us try to do our best most of the time too. But also, just like the rest of us, he made his mistakes, some small, some really big and they impacted him and our family. I'm sure, just like me, if there were things he could have done or chosen differently, looking back on it, that he would change things. But that's the rub isn't it? "If only I could go back in time...", "If only I could have a do-over"...if wishes were fishes we'd all have a fry...part of being an adult, a true bonified adult, is learning to live with that regret, and to make something of what you have now--moving forward, always moving forward.

I've learned a lot from my dad. Both about how to be a good person, and how to try to avoid falling into the common human failing traps of making yourself too much of an exception too often or indulging in petty prides and habits. He taught me to appreciate differences in others, to look for the things that are interesting and good and true within humanity, and the people around me in particular. He taught me to treat others with respect and dignity, no matter their social status or class, that every person has value and that you don't always know everyone's story, even though sometimes you may think you do. I learned to be a strong woman, to stand on my own two feet, to push back when people try to bully me, to be loving towards others, to forgive, but mostly to always remain true to who you are in your core, to stay the course that you have set for your life and to think before you speak--look before you leap.

I'm still his human-in-training, still that daughter that he tried to raise the best he could, passing on the things he thought were important and true...and while I'm imperfect and don't always keep all of these things he taught me in the forefront of my mind...I do try, sometimes falling down and getting up again, sometimes successfully making a sprint and breaking my previous time...I take the small victories wherever I can get them.

In the end through all of this, all that really mattered, the only thing that I thought of over and over and over again, was that I hoped he knew, really knew, how much I loved him--that no matter what--no matter anything--that he knew that I was so proud to be his daughter, so glad that I had been born to him, into his family, to him and to my mother and that I loved him and couldn't imagine my life without him--that my life would be less for having him gone from it, and that no matter what I believed, that seeing him in the hereafter was no consolation for having him gone from the here and now.

I was worried, because I didn't get to the hospital in time, before he died, that he didn't know that. In the panic of death and the wave of grief that crashes over your head, I was worried that he didn't know that I was on my way, that I was coming as quickly as I could, and that nothing in the world could keep me from his bedside. When he died in the night during the course of my trip from one state to another, as the lights of the Las Vegas strip were twinkling and rushing by, I only hoped that somehow he was with me, that he saw that my brothers and I were rushing to be by his side, even though we didn't know that he had already gone.

My mother assured me that he knew, he knew we were coming, that he knew I loved him, that he was my all consuming thought. Nothing else mattered. No slights, no mistakes, no petty misunderstandings, no debts of varied natures, no perceived injustices, no physical worldly attributes mattered...all that mattered were hearts and minds and love.

These are my thoughts, this Sunday afternoon, looking through photos of a family that I am blessed to call my own.

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Sharks Are Circling...

Last Thursday night I went to a job fair. It was the kind of job fair where they have 10-12 companies come in to do a brief (2 min.) overview of who they are and what they're all about and then they go back to their booth and everyone makes the mad dash to talk to/interview with, throw their resumes at, the companies they are interested in. The particular field this fair was for was Sales & Marketing...but I'm currently waxing unsuccessful in my own job I thought I'd give this fair a look-see...besides they invited finance, communications and other managerial specializations to the I figured it was o.k.


Sales People. Be all that you can be. I was a sparky, happy, sunfish in a sea of sharks! LOL

It was an interesting and eye-opening experience. I haven't been in a room that looked so slick in my entire life. Picture know a slick salesman/woman when you see one...they have a certain je ne sais quois about them...I don't know how else to describe other than "slick" ... that's part of their suits, sports coats...very business business casual...I was very glad I had dressed up all the way...better safe than sorry...and people gunning for every position available. Don't try to chat anyone up while you're in line that's for sure! LOL

I told myself I needed to visit every booth and try to get my resume out there and I met my goal. I don't really anticipate getting any phone calls whatsoever, but it was good for me to get out there mixing around with the other molecules, promoting myself and seeing what is out there. It makes sense to me now why sales people are the way they are and how they make the money they make (or don't make it as the case may be as well). You have to think that you are truly the best whether you are or not. I can take some lessons away that's for sure.

As an additional note: There were a couple of insurance companies there as well...desperate as I may the end, I just couldn't bring myself to get jazzed up about working for them. I talked to them, gave them resumes and went from there...but it just is not for me. One of the guys I talked to specializes in insurance for the elderly. From the get-go he asked if I had grandparents that were still living, I replied that they were, and he gave his spiel and went on to say that I could immediately sell to them, and it wouldn't be just one but two for each of them, of which I would make $300 a $600...immediately I could gain from my grandparents. Soooo I said...not for me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man perfected without trials.

Here I am again, late into the heart of darkness in the very middle of the night. Most sensible people are in not so sensible. I've been exhausted since 11 p.m. but just needed some time to myself. It's been a pensive, thoughful kind of a day. Not happy, maybe a little sad, frustrated for certain, kind of twirling around a little as to which direction to take. I don't mind the twirling so much as the lack of direction makes me insane in my membrane.

I am certainly going through the employment refiner's fire. Nothing like trying to find something that will somehow be a good fit through a vague description of something that sounds like everything and nothing all at the same time, if you can just manage to get your foot in the door. I've found several jobs that have piqued my interest and have applied to those along with a slew of others that would be a fit, a good fit even, just not my favorite choice. We'll see what we will see.

If I could just find my way to being a successful paranormal romance novelist with brilliant heroines and exciting paramours, I could take a well earned vacation to Hawaii or Fiji or something and bask in the balmy ocean breeze on the snow white sands in some remote and delightfully vacant location. Blue-green waters as far as the eye can see, and a nice cabana boy to bring me deliciously fruity beverages of choice to pass the time. Yes...fantasy of this nature is always better than a gloomy November day looking for a job in Finance...though I do enjoy the gloomy more than not. It cheers me up.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Amend and Concede

So, I am ammending the second to last paragraph of a post I made a couple of days ago.

"So much for "a government of the people, by the people, for the people" not perishing "from the earth". (Abraham Lincoln)...or maybe this is what the bulk of the population truly does want...for me, and maybe I'm in the minority and I'm o.k. with that, but it's not what I want...I could go with a lot less control, a lot less meddling, and a signficant decrease in my taxes...I earned it, I'd like to keep it and decide where I want it to go. "

Obviously from the results, and what magnificent results those are as far as people actually turning out, we are definitely maintaining Abraham Lincoln's original statement "of the people, by the people, for the people". By a landslide that is impressive in its numbers, Barack Obama has taken the day. The people in great majority have spoken. But I continue very definitely in the minority. While I performed my civic duty and voted yesterday with millions of others, I did not vote for Obama or McCain, I just couldn't buy into the rhetoric and the marketing, beautifully done as much of it was.

I'm still firmly for less control, less meddling, significantly decreased taxes and picking my own causes to support instead of having money ripped out of my wallet sans choice. I'm for a smaller government, I'm definitely for taking care of my own family, my own neighbors, my own community and its needs. I firmly believe in states rights to do as they see fit by the voice of their people and the needs specific to those residents.

Don't get me wrong--I am for beautiful communities, good roads, taking care of the poor and the less fortunate...but I really think it should be done at a grassroots level more than a federal government level. Many would call that idealistic or even unrealistic...maybe so...but I have great faith in humanity and their ability to govern themselves if given the opportunity. That opportunity does not run rampant though, and because of excessive control through the decades there are problems that have inadvertently been created that require stringent laws and demands that may not have otherwise been necessary.

It is with caution that I approach the next few years. It is a historical event for a variety of reasons, and I do salute the fact that history has taken place and that many things have been proven. The feeling is such that there is a New Religion in town and there is a religious fervor in the win and in the celebrating...I'm glad that so many people are happy and are looking forward to change, but I still remain cautious and curious to see exactly what kind of change will take place. I prefer to keep church and state separate, and I guess that in the traditional way they are still relatively separate, but like I said, this is a New Religion, and it's not so separate from state, but rather is morphing into it. We'll see what we will see and I do remain curious to see what direction history takes next.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

It's All Over But The Cryin'...

In honor of the fight that ends tonight...and the changes for good or for ill that are coming our way in the next few years...and changes are coming...I feel the Von Trapp children said it best...

There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall
And the bells in the steeple too
And up in the nursery an absurd little bird
Is popping out to say "cuckoo"
Cuckoo, cuckoo
Regretfully they tell us
But firmly they compel us
To say goodbye . . . to you
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu
So long, farewell, au revoir, auf wiedersehen
I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye -- Goodbye
I'm glad to go, I cannot tell a lie
I flit, I float, I fleetly flee, I fly
The sun has gone to bed and so must I
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Monday, November 3, 2008

To Vote or Not To Vote...That is the Question...

Sooooo...this election year is unlike any other one I've ever seen. A lot of passion on both sides, a lot of yelling and cries of foul play, a lot of accusations, lies and half truths...well I guess that is not quite so unusual, so much as the volume seems prolific. And honestly, despite all of the talk of tolerance, I am seeing a tremendous amount of intolerance.

I think it boils down to everyone wanting their way or the highway.

For me, being politically disillusioned and completely devoid of loyalty for either party at this point in time, it has been relatively relaxing and comedic at times to watch the dog-eat-dog behaviors of the candidates, their teams, and their rabid supporters.

People...these are politicians...they kiss your babies faces with the same lips they are kissing everyone's ass with. They are just like anyone else with a career...they are looking to climb and also doing that by watching out for their best interests. It's not that I'm jaded so much as realistic about what one megalomaniac can do. It doesn't mean that the megalomaniac doesn't have good qualities and attributes, because often they do, but megalomania is still that...MEGALOMANIA. The maniac still thinks he knows what is best for everyone, millions of people in the case of the POTUS, and that he is the best man for the job.

After watching the conventions, the rallies, the t.v. spots, the interviews, reading the articles, the arguements, the debates, my conclusion is that it's just a corporate war for the new CEO--and when it comes down to that...he's still the man with all the power, with all of the perks and all of the pay...and you're still the man doing all the work, wishing the weekend were coming a little sooner and that the money stretched a little farther.

My little brother, after watching the conventions summed it all up pretty well...

"Is this really our best and our brightest?? Is there no one more eloquent and representative?"

I throw in with blood on this one...Is this really the best that the United States has to offer as far as our leadership is concerned? Is this truly as good as it gets? I think there are better and more qualified candidates out there...but when you are up against the magnificent beast that is the Political Machine...if you are not a professional politician...good luck standing up to the system and making any headway.

So much for "a government of the people, by the people, for the people" not perishing "from the earth". (Abraham Lincoln)...or maybe this is what the bulk of the population truly does want...for me, and maybe I'm in the minority and I'm o.k. with that, but it's not what I want...I could go with a lot less control, a lot less meddling, and a signficant decrease in my taxes...I earned it, I'd like to keep it and decide where I want it to go.

At any rate, at this point, it's a day late and a trillion dollars short and tomorrow will come and go no matter what anyone thinks, says or does. By no means do I have all the good luck to each and every one as you go about your civic duty tomorrow...and may the best Megalomaniac win.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

More Late Night Musings...

I figured I'd better post something. It has been a couple of days and if I don't get the habit going, much as I am enjoying it, it would be easy to drop it at this early stage.

Waaaaayyyyyy late night tonight. I didn't anticipate it (being so late) but I am a fan of Facebook aka Crackbook and sometimes I find myself doing nothing of consequence for a much longer period of time than I would like to I'm not going'll just have to make your own guesstimate on what my humiliating wasted time period is...but by the time stamp on this entry go ahead and assume that I haven't been to bed yet.

Funny thing about Facebook is you can spend all kinds of time looking for people you use to know and you're not really sure if they really remember you at all because so much time has passed. But, it's still exciting to find names and faces that you know as a "now blast from your past". People age, they gain additional interests, they get married and divorced, have kids, move away from home, their personalities morph a bit, but after being apart for so long all you have is memory to build on, with a relationship that is essentially new again. Anyway, odd how as humans we crave remembrance and acceptance and that no matter what, the only way you can truly reconnect and resume the relationship is by being in regular touch again.

At any rate...late night musings...time for some sleep so I'm at least semi-functional tomorrow...or is it today...smirk smirk...

Late night soundtrack with which to meander the time away, a personal compilation entitled October Chill Girl by Me:

Julee Cruise: It's The End of the World;
Hilton FM: Anything With You;
Moby: Sunday;
Hardkandy: Standstill;
Radiohead: House of Cards;
Everything But the Girl: Before Today;
Barriere feat. Themis: Sonhando Ipanema;
Poloroid: Count on You;
Sleepthief: The Metro;
Mono: Life in Mono;
Duran Duran: Make Me Smile;
King Kooba: Koobesq;
Dirty Vegas: Days Go By;
Duran Duran: Like An Angel;
Morcheeba: Let Me See;
Sidewaze: Sidewaze;
Zuco 103: Outro Lado;
Eligh: Dali Lama Lullaby;
Silversun Pickups: Three Seed;
Ive Mendes: Night Night;
Supreme Beings of Leisure: Under the Gun;
Space Raiders: Beautiful Crazy;
Duncan Sheik: In the Absence of Sun;
Dreadzone: A Dream Within a Dream;
Morcheeba: The Sea;
Duran Duran: Secret Oktober;
Rae & Christian feat. Veba: Spellbound;
Radar: Nothing is Real;
Lee Perry: Guiding Dub;
Radiohead: Jigsaw Falling Into Place;
Sneaker Pimps: Low Place Like Home;
Kate Rogers: Fine

and lastly, but not leastly,
Aria: Ave Maria.

Good night, peace out, sweet dreams...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

"A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song."

Tonight we watched The Last Samurai. I have seen snippets of it here and there, but never the full movie. I loved it. Stellar, actually and it really gave me pause for thought. It made me think about all of the things that you actually carry within you as a human. Your strengths, weaknesses, humility, power, deference, grace, memories, choices-good and bad, honor, dishonor, determination, confusion, love, hate, forgiveness, revenge, regret, desire, pain, love, joy...etc. All the things that imprint and mold who we are, the choices we make or don't make that develop our thoughts, ideas, personalities.

It made me think about the passing of time, the ticks that count off moments in history, the changing from the old guard to the new. So often the changes that takes place in history are purely a matter of timing, and often perspective. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes the changing is neither good nor bad, righteous nor evil...but just one choice over another during that particular moment in time.

The changing of this guard is so often melancholic but it can also be beautiful---something is dying and something is being born, and with every death there is loss, just as with every birth there is something bright and new. The thoughts and ideas that surround it definitely cause a very human awareness in me...a knowledge that things have always been and always will be...whatever form it is that history and future history may take. My place in the universe feels like a bright little speck among so many other bright little specks.

Anyway...another battery of late night musings.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


One of my favorite places to be...

If you're interested in what I'm reading, like to read, want to read, have on wish list and etc., take a peek!!


It has been interesting keeping the late nights that I have lately. The house is quiet, all the family is in their respective beds and I'm left to my own devices during these pitch black hours. Sometimes I'll wander out the front door, walk outside and just look up into the sky, most of the time coated in stars and the ocassional satellite. The air is fresh and clear and again, the glorious silence. It makes you realize just how big the universe is, and how small you are on this orb that spins through space. The peace and quiet brings me joy in this world of chaos and turmoil.

I also think a lot about the people that I love, the people I like, and let's be honest, sometimes quite a bit about the people that I don't like as much as the previous two groups. Why do people say and do the things they say and do just for the sake of being mean? Why is it that people don't exhibit common courtesies towards each other? So much selfishness and pride in the world today--and everyone is so much more important than anyone else around them. This kind of behavior really doesn't get you anywhere. Oh, sure, sometimes it may seem like it, but in the end it doesn't.

With all of the politics going on right now it has gotten even worse. There are so many different ways to solve problems, and yet, somehow the politicians and members of the media stick with the same old boring rote of bashing and lieing. No one's telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help them God. No one. Don't get me wrong...I'm not naive enough to expect it...but I'm also not so jaded that I've lost all hope either.

Well, time is ticking...I'm exhausted and it's time for bed...well, really it was time for bed hours ago...but it is what it is for now. I've got a beloved job search to continue tomorrow...hopefully someone somewhere will eventually want me...if not, I may resort to selling off body parts to the highest bidder! LOL

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Driving in the Desert at Night: October 2nd, 2008

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and thought it merited saving.
Last night we had a family get together, and that was a lot of fun...but not my point. My husband went straight from work to the party so we drove separately, so after the party, I was alone in my car driving home.

As a sub-note: I've had a strain of the melancholic lately, not the kind that is depressing and horrible, but the kind that is achey and bittersweet. It feels good to indulge it every now and again, and it is intermingled with joy and memory and is a pleasant process. If you've never enjoyed your own melancholy, you may not understand what I'm saying...if you probably do. (It's probably all this talk of reunions and this Gwen Stefani "Early Winter" song that has been doing it!!)

But back to my story...Fall is here, especially in the evenings. I had the windows down, the wind was blowing and it was a fantastic night. The drive home skirts the city, so it was much darker than being in the city proper. This part of the valley (that I was driving through) is desert and not overly developed. I was relatively alone on the road, stereo up, driving 80 down the freeway and I felt alive and free.

The Great Salt Lake was to the West of me, so it was pitch black with nothing to see but the deep black of night. To the East I could see the mountains in the distance, the city up against them, the lights glowing and bouncing back down from the storm clouds up above and it was something else. The Capitol Building, the LDS Temple, the business district, the university all lit up against the mountains, the canyons deep black crevices behind the lights--it was beautiful. Sometimes in life you have surreal moments--and this is one of the pleasant ones--my eyes were seeing something that some people would only see in a photograph and never get to experience in person. It was the vibrancy of the moment that impacted me.

My thoughts drifted around but mostly focused on how glad I am that I live here in Utah--how glad I am that I gave it a fair chance to be something fantastic. It is beautiful, rich in culture and history, clean and pleasant--there are a lot of good people here and I'm happy. I came out here to go to school, to get away from home, to grow up, to become independent, to become my own woman. I never expected to stay here--it wasn't in my vision of a place to land and stay, more of a stepping stone.

I've been here for the past 19 years, unexpectedly...LOL. : ) I've made friends, fallen in love, had heartbreaks, gotten married, worked, played, had good people come in and out of my life, some drifting, some staying longer than others...I have lived a lot of good life. It is definitely not perfect and I do have my regrets and my sorrows just like anyone...but what joy at times! I've worked hard, tried to look forward and not always backwards second guessing and wishing for things that cannot be changed, I've tried to be joyful and positive in the face of the unexpected and in the end I've done all right. It is a good life that I have experienced so far and I am blessed.
Have you ever felt so alive and vibrant that you felt like your chest might explode?---well that was last night on the way home for me.

Anyway--just some miscellaneous thoughts I didn't want to lose and wanted to share.